whispers within

Sometimes when I talk to God I can hear him really strong. My mind can completely focus on what I want to pray about. I can shut off all around me and it can be just me and Him. But then there are those times when it feels really difficult to feel anything near to Him at all. And usually it's after I've gone way too long without praying, without reading my bible, or immersing myself in the word. This is when the world is louder than God and I let it blast at me too long. It's not even close to being anything I really want hear. It's the noise of the brokenness out there, and in here, and it becomes more and more of the racket my brain should not be focusing on. I'm trying to turn it all down, but I feel like I'm trying to close a door on an elephant. It's really hard. That's when I know I need to slow down, and look at me. Correct where I went wrong. My prayer starts with please Lord, fix all these things that are wrong in my life...fix him, fix her, reveal to them where it needs to be revealed. Then I get the answer I should've known I would get, and that's, "Listen to me. Talk with me. trust me." It's hard when as a christian you let yourself believe that because you are a christian, that everything in your life should go right all the time. Or at least get made right quickly. I know better. There's no promise of this really. God just wants us to keep walking with him. Just believe and trust in Him and it all will work out. Just keep doing what you are doing. Regardless of how rough it may get or crappy it may seem. The impatient side to me just wants to fix it all and make a change right now. But I can't do it. I need Him more than ever now.