When God says no, and plans for good.

God is really held tight to me this year.  I am blessed to be able to feel this, He knows that I am a worrier, and that I am an anxious thinker. Pray, He is whispering. Pray without ceasing. He wants to have control of my problems and my worries.  I have to make the choice to give it up to him.

This past year has been another year of challenges and trials.  I have tried to stop and see what God has planned in it. But I can't even begin to be able to know what he knows about my future. It has taken me a while to get to the place of not needing to know what will happen next.  To be able to let go of worry and just trust in Him to take full control.  The blessing in getting there, has been this ability to drop to my knees, not out of pity or worry or fear, but out of true thanksgiving and rejoicing that God has given me adversity and trials. Like the waves on an ocean transforms and sculpts the sands on the beach, God has allowed some really tough stuff to come along in to my life. Not just to test how much I will trust Him, but to also make me seek and pursue Him.  He has pursued me my whole life.

 Do I think God is going to answer all my prayers?  Well, at this point, God's answer is looking like a "no" on most of my prayers lately. Though I have to remember that a "no", means, "not now" or I have other plans for you.   "For I know the plans I have for you," not always the way that I had wanted it, but God has in his supernatural ways worked things out for my good.  I don't have any ability to choose what is best for myself. God already knows what will happen, what I will do, and how he will work it out.  Amazing how I look back at my life and see how where I am now, could not have happened without God's interfering.  And I'm so grateful He did.

Jeremiah 29:11 has always been a verse that has been a source of comfort for me.  I consider this my life verse, the verse that seems to always appear whenever things are tough, or whenever I need encouragement. It takes me back to when I was a little girl, and my Mother always told me that God has the book of my life already written for me.  He knows the beginning, the middle and the end.  That always seemed so magical to me. I would imagine God, in his heavenly castle, Opening this huge book on a table of clouds, looking at the story that He wrote for me.  This image came back to me often throughout my childhood and my adolescence, whenever I was worried about where my life was heading or uncertain about circumstances.  It returned again to me, as an adult, when I was going through my divorce.  This is when I discovered this verse..  Feeling desperate, hurting, and alone, I attempted to turn to God during that time to seek comfort and assurance.  I went to a Christian Book store to search for something that could guide me or give me some peace.  I have always enjoyed journaling, and so I looked at the leather bound journals they had. The first one I picked up, when I flipped it open, I saw the verse Jeremiah 29:11 printed in the corner of the blank page.  It was the verse that reminded me of what my Mom had told me.  I bought it, and though I didn't use it like I had intended to, it became the journal I use during church service for my sermon notes.  And the other scriptures printed on those pages speak to me each week, perfectly timed to my circumstances.

During some of my toughest times in life the past few years, this verse has seemed like an "omen" of sorts. A message from God to "hold tight things are about to get bumpy". Though, as I have matured in my walk with Christ, I now do not look at this verse anymore as an omen of bad times to come, but comfort in knowing that bad times will always come.  The difference is now I know that Jesus' plans are always good and for my good. Worrying does not change it, and worrying does not make me control it any more than I possibly can. It gives me comfort and peace in knowing that no matter what happens, I have hope, because I have a future in Christ.